Do you ever just sit back, think about your life, and wonder "what the hell am I doing?"

I've been thinking about passion this week. What is it to live for passion? What is it to have passion? Is passion some deep emotional need that drives you on? Is it what gets you most excited in life? Is it doing something that while you're doing it, everything just seems to come together and add up?

For as long as I can remember, I've had no passion. There's never been anything I've longed to do with my life. There's never been a job or career I've wanted, there's never been some feat that I've had to accomplish, or anything like that.

There are things that I want - that's for sure. I'm very interested in the concept of home - a foundation and security. I'm driven to have roots in some place, with people I love and trust. But I don't want that security to lead to boredom. I want to be continually challenged and excited. I desire to love and live for God, and to sacrificially love others. Things like this drive me on. But is that really a passion?

Sometimes I'm driven to drive to the store to spend $6 on a little pint of ice-cream. That's not a passion, though. That's some sort of lunacy.

What is passion? Is it tied to hope? To faith?

We need to have hope in order to have faith. Hope is a glimpse of light through the darkness that captures us. Faith is knowing that the light still exists somewhere, even though the darkness may have covered it up again. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. But what is passion?

pas·sion n.

1) A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger.

2) Ardent love.
Strong sexual desire; lust.
The object of such love or desire.

3) Boundless enthusiasm: His skills as a player don't quite match his passion for the game.

4) The object of such enthusiasm: Soccer is her passion.

5) The sufferings of Jesus in the period following the Last Supper and including the Crucifixion, as related in the New Testament.

I think that passion, as we use it, is simply an evaluation of our giftings, what drives us, and why. If soccer is you passion, (to further the example) then you've gotten out into the world, tried to play, and discovered that you like it. You've discovered that you have the gift to be able to play, and that it makes you happy. I think we refer to passion as being in the place we feel we were meant to be in. And I also think that part of passion means that you're willing to suffer to keep going.

It takes work. Discovering passion is a gift, and you probably won't find it by sitting on the couch all day. We need to be up and about in the world, doing what we need to do.

I work at a job that's very boring to me right now, and I often wonder what it is that I'm doing. But I have faith that God has placed me here, and hope in Him to work everything out according to His best purposes. I am a driven person, but not having a certain passion for my life isn't necessarily a bad thing. It may just mean that I haven't found it yet. But even if I never do, living for God each day, growing in character and in love for Him and others, and knowing myself more and more is a great way to do life.

And if you're living for God, He is faithfull and will not leave you in any situation that isn't the best for you at that time. He is always working.

When the Isrealites were camping in the desert for forty years, they would know when to move their camp based on a cloud that settled over them. When the cloud moved, they moved. When the cloud stayed, they stayed.

"Whether it was two days, a month, a year, or longer, as long as the cloud remained over the Tent, they did not move on; but when it lifted, they moved. They set up camp and broke camp in obedience to the commands which the Lord gave through Moses." -Numbers 9:22-23

The cloud was God's presence with them, and they moved when He said it was time to move. They trusted Him, and did what they were supposed to be doing in the meantime. They lived according to God's command.

No matter where we presently are, we can trust God to move us on when the time is right. We need to be concerned with the every-day of life, and trust God to work out or futures for us. I think its a good place to be in.

So evaluate the situations you find yourself in. Examine your motivations and what drives you on. I think its perfectly ok if you don't find you have a certain passion. Life will be worthwile because we follow a God who is worth everything.