Insight

Ok, I'm going to do everyone a public service today. I'm going to fill everyone in on how a woman's emotions work within a normal month. Discovered by my friend Renee, there is a very specific formula working inside every woman. When you understand this formula, you can in fact understand, or even predict, that woman's emotional state.

Note: This can vary from woman to woman depending on their specific make-up. This is also not taking into account other outside influences, which can furthur alter a woman's emotional state in very unpredictable ways.

First of all, you have to understand that every woman's body wants a very specific thing, that being a baby. This isn't to say that every woman herself wants a baby, its her body working against her to get a baby for itself. Yes, a woman's body often works against her to get what it wants.

So, knowing that every woman's body wants a baby, it tries to trick the rational mind into getting that for itself (it thinks its so darn clever). The body tries to manipulate the mind for its own ends. This works in a simple week-by-week format.

Week One: The woman's body knows it wants a baby, and makes the mind think that all guys are cute. It does this in hopes that the woman will succomb to one of these guys, and the body can get itself a baby. This is called "cute boy week". Any other week of the month, boys could be gross and dumb and annoying. But during this week, the brain is tricked into seeing them and saying "hey... how YOU doing..."

Week Two: If the body does indeed get itself a baby, it is appeased and is nice to the woman. If, however, it hasn't received a baby, it unleashed punishment on the woman. During this week, or "Everybody Hates Me Week", the body tells the brain that everyone hates its specific woman. The woman will look around and think that everyone else hates her, or maybe that she hates everyone else, or both. The specific combination of hating youself/hating others can vary from month to month, and many women go to, and stay on, either of the extreemes every month. This week is also referred to as "PMS".

Week Three: After a week of emotional abuse, the body decides that now its time for the physical pain to start. This week is simply called "That Time of the Month" by many. For many women, it includes swelling up another whole pants size (making every piece of clothing you own look terrible on you), and dehabilitating cramps.

Week Four: After the week of physical pain, the body decides to give the woman a break and the emotional and physical pain both stop. This week is called "Feeling Like Your Normal Self Week". Please understand, this isn't to be nice to the woman. No, in fact this is to make the woman forget everything that just happened. You see, a woman's body doesn't really care about her. It just wants that darn baby. It gives the woman this week in the hopes that she'll forget what a jerk it just was. It wants the woman to revel in feeling like her own, normal, healthy self... so that it can catch her unaware with another round of "Cute Boy Week". And the cycle goes on and on.

Now, some woman are sure to dissagree with me. But I urge you, take notice of how you're feeling and when you feel like that. Start to chart out your emotions and see if what I'm claiming is correct. Like I said before, not all women are like clockwork. Some have one day of cute boys and the next day of thinking everyone hates her, ect. And again, this doesn't count external factors such as other people's influence on you. This is only what your body puts you through every month.