Ugh.
I am absolutely horrible at loving people. Everyday, all day, I think about myself. I think about what I want, what I need, what would make me happy. I aproach people with an attitude of "how can you make me happy" instead of "how can I love you and serve you". There are times when I'm surprised I have any friends at all. There are times when I wouldn't want to be my friend.
My focus needs to change. I desperately want to be the kind of person who genuinly loves others, and not just because then they'd genuinly love me. Whether they love me or not, I want to love and serve others.
Why is it so easy to get tangled up in my own selfishness? I'll start thinking about what I want and who I am. I'm a very introspective person. I'm always analyzing everything to death, and tend to get depressed easily. That's ok - its who I am. However, I sometimes assume that everyone else sees the worst in me as well, just as its so easy for me to do. But you see, right there I'm already thinking about myself and how everyone relates to me .
"Be still and know that I am God"
That can be the most difficult thing to do. My instinct is the think about myself: how are others viewing me, should I be doing anything differntly right now, how does this reflect on me. Somehow, I can even turn wanting to care about others into a selfish act: Am I being loving? What should I be saying to show that I love them? How should I be acting? Am I enough? And there I am focusing on me again.
I go around and around in circles so many times, that I don't know what to think anymore. That's when I need to put it all to rest and think on God and His acceptance of me. I believe in God's power to change people. I believe I need God more than anything, and He's the only help there is for me. I cry out to God to make the the kind of person I should be; a person who is loving, patient, kind, generous, joyous, peaceful, good, faithful and self controlled; a person who loves God with all their soul, mind, and strength. I want my instinct to be to love others and try to see where they're coming from. But I feel so weak and useless so often - I seem to fall short at every oportunity.
I just pray for people who can understand what I'm dealing with, and who want to be my friend anyway; people also growing in the fruits of the Spirit. When someone demonstrates love in this way toward you, it spurs you on even more to be that kind of person too. That's the beauty of the Body of Christ - we are all flawed, but have the amazing oportunity to grow together to be more and more who we're supposed to be.
I'm going to live at the end of Galations for a while - its where I need to be.
My focus needs to change. I desperately want to be the kind of person who genuinly loves others, and not just because then they'd genuinly love me. Whether they love me or not, I want to love and serve others.
Why is it so easy to get tangled up in my own selfishness? I'll start thinking about what I want and who I am. I'm a very introspective person. I'm always analyzing everything to death, and tend to get depressed easily. That's ok - its who I am. However, I sometimes assume that everyone else sees the worst in me as well, just as its so easy for me to do. But you see, right there I'm already thinking about myself and how everyone relates to me .
"Be still and know that I am God"
That can be the most difficult thing to do. My instinct is the think about myself: how are others viewing me, should I be doing anything differntly right now, how does this reflect on me. Somehow, I can even turn wanting to care about others into a selfish act: Am I being loving? What should I be saying to show that I love them? How should I be acting? Am I enough? And there I am focusing on me again.
I go around and around in circles so many times, that I don't know what to think anymore. That's when I need to put it all to rest and think on God and His acceptance of me. I believe in God's power to change people. I believe I need God more than anything, and He's the only help there is for me. I cry out to God to make the the kind of person I should be; a person who is loving, patient, kind, generous, joyous, peaceful, good, faithful and self controlled; a person who loves God with all their soul, mind, and strength. I want my instinct to be to love others and try to see where they're coming from. But I feel so weak and useless so often - I seem to fall short at every oportunity.
I just pray for people who can understand what I'm dealing with, and who want to be my friend anyway; people also growing in the fruits of the Spirit. When someone demonstrates love in this way toward you, it spurs you on even more to be that kind of person too. That's the beauty of the Body of Christ - we are all flawed, but have the amazing oportunity to grow together to be more and more who we're supposed to be.
I'm going to live at the end of Galations for a while - its where I need to be.
posted by Laura Ibsen @ 12:13 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home