Struggle

I discovered at work today that I've brought an issue into that area of my life that I struggle with in other areas. My greatest fear in life is needing people. People can dissappoint you and you can dissapoint them. When I was little, I was often dissapointed. Rather than believe that the people that I love could dissapoint me so, I chose to believe that it was my fault. I chose to believe that I was unloveable and that they couldn't be blamed. Fast forward to now, I know that I am loveable because God loves me. I feel like a dork saying that because it seems so elementary now. I'm secure in who I am and that I do belong. I'm fine now, but everytime I think I'm past it, it crops up somewhere where I least expect it. Today I made a mistake on a deposite, and I got really remorseful about it. It wasn't a big deal, and it was cleared up in no time, but I was really hard on myself about it. This job is my first "grown-up" job, and, un-beknown to me I was basing my worth there not on who I am in Christ, but on my preformance. I believed that I was a minute away from not being accepted by anyone, because I wasn't worth being accepted. I took my small mistake as being a dissappointment to my co-workers, and damned near cried because of it. I guess that that way of thinking was so ingrained in who I was before, that in new situations it can crop up and I need to deliberately bring to mind my new identity in Christ to check it. Well, now that I'm aware of it I can handle it. I'm glad for that.